


Inflicting Wounds without Weapons

by fallingmistinthedark



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst, Does this count?, Emotional Hurt, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt No Comfort, I Blame Tumblr, Langst, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-09-23 20:55:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9676469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingmistinthedark/pseuds/fallingmistinthedark
Summary: After Lance is rescued from a short time with Lotor and Haggar, something is wrong with him. It scares them all, and they have no clue what's going on. Everytime someone tries to talk to him, he flinches and lowers his head, looking like he's about to cry. Nobody knows why, and it just gets worse everytime someone tries to ask him what's wrong. Will they figure it out before it's too late?





	1. Remind me how it is to hear your Voice

Lance wasn't sure exactly when it started. It just kind of happened. He supposes the only one to blame this on is himself, since everything they're saying to him is so so true. It started with Coran. It was Lance's job to clean the healing pods with him that time, and he'd just been finishing up his last pod assignment when Coran had looked over and a strange purple had appeared at the edge of his vision only to disappear a moment later. 

"That's not even done right. I just showed you how thirty ticks ago, my boy. Can't you get anything right?" Lance had flinched, reminded of how Iverson had yelled at him, but this was Coran so surely he hadn't meant it. Lance continued on his day. The next instance didn't happen until the next day, when they were mock-sparring and Shiro looked at him after Keith had swept him off his feet _yet again_ and said;

"Lance, that was an embarrassment. With skills like that, we'd rather have Allura piloting the lion." Lance simply blinked at the comment, before flashing his trademark Hunk-proof fake smile and asked if he could leave since he was feeling a little off. When Shiro nodded with a barely disguised look of disgust, Lance all but bolted from the room. Once he was secluded in his room, he let the tears fall. _First Coran, now Shiro?_ Lance had thought, curled in a ball in the corner of his bed. He'd been a fool to think it would stop at them, since it got so much worse. 

Soon enough (a week later, to be exact, but who was counting?) every-other statement from everyone would be an insult, and every other statement in a conversation he wasn't even apart of would be jibes at him, hushed whispers on how to get rid of him. Even Blue had started whispering her disappointment with him in the back of his mind, instead of her constant reassurances. Unlike the insults and slaps to the face from the others, he couldn't escape Blue. She went with him everywhere, and what used to be calming, became his demon. Berating him at every turn and making sure he knew just how much the others hated him at all times. 

Hunk was bad too, since he was the one who used to calm him down from panic attacks, but now, it was like he'd only been pretending to care all along. All of Lance's fears were right. Shiro, Keith, Pidge, Allura, Hunk, and Coran all hated him, and what was once something they only talked about when he wasn't around became the only things they'd tell him. 

The worst part? They wouldn't leave him alone. They'd seek him out if he didn't get out of bed one day, didn't come to training or breakfast or bonding time. That was something that confused Lance so much when they constantly told him how much the sight of him made them want to throw themselves out the airlock. 

And so, after one day after they'd all finished their training and they started talking amongst themselves and he heard what they were planning to do to get rid of him, he decided he'd grant their wishes without them having to lift a finger. And so he got up and walked away, ignoring the looks in his direction on his way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 will be longer and Keith POV. It will also be happier, but it gets worse before it gets much much better. Hope you liked!


	2. I would do anything for You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith POV to the first chapter of Lance's!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY GOT THIS OUT! WOO!
> 
> I think this is actually going to Ch 5. I actually hate myself rn for all the things I want to include in this... anyways, enjoy!

Keith thought Lance was fine after he'd rescued him from Haggar. He'd been conscious, had answered all of Keith's questions correctly, and there was no visible signs of torture/weird alien experiments. Just Lance and his unbearable attitude. That and the ship had been entirely empty except for Lance. Lance didn't seem to think that, but everything had turned out fine in the end though, so who was he to really question why that was?

He should've questioned it, and questioned it thoroughly. 

Lance was back to his old self in less than a day after he first tumbled out of the healing pod and into Keith's arms. He'd been on watch at the time, and had initially been looking away when the hissing sound of the pod's deactivation sounded and the doors started sliding open. After several long moments of mild confusion from the boy in his arms, he seemed to be back to normal. At least, that's how it seemed. How it seemed, was not how it was. They all knew they should've been more thorough when everytime any one of them tried to talk to him weeks later he would look like he was breaking inside, how he'd shy away from their touch, and skirt just about every activity except actually piloting his lion. And even then, he seemed extremely hesitant to do so. 

The breaking point was the first day Lance didn't come to breakfast. This was highly unusual, since even while he seemed to be getting more distant from the group, he'd at least always come to that. So, like the worried family/team/friends/paladins they were, they sought him out. Hunk found him in his room, burrowed under his space blanket and refusing to come out. Keith could even hear tiny barely constrained sobs coming from the form on the bed. 

"Lance, buddy. Can you hear me?" Hunk gently asked as he walked closer, signalling for the other paladins to stay behind at the door. The sobs grew slightly louder at the voice. "Lance, it's just me, Hunk! The one with the best hugs for the best friend in the world!" Hunk tried again, but the sobs grew even more violent, and soon, the blanket was shaking so much that Keith started getting afraid for Lance. It already broke his heart to see his rival (yeah, Lance started it, but it was kind of fun having a rival when you only have so much to do in space, Lance always seemed to find more stuff for them to compete in though, and he's sure it's one of the things keeping them all sane up here) and the person he now considered a friend this way. 

"WHY WON"T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!!?" Lance screamed from underneath the blankets, shocking everyone. By this point, Allura and Coran were there too, and they stepped back at the outburst, stunned at the tone. Keith felt an entire part of him break. _Why was Lance reacting this way?_ "I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO ANY OF YOU! BUT I GUESS THAT'S THE POINT, Huh?" Lance paused after his voice cracked, and a tiny, broken sigh was heard soon afterwards. "You hate me just for being alive...." Lance trailed, in a voice so quiet and so un-Lance that Keith almost doubted that Lance had said anything at all. 

"Lance, I-" Keith tried, hoping that maybe Lance would at least come out of his blanket to glare at him like he would, but the only thing Lance did was yell, "I said go."

A week later, Lance was gone, but the Blue Lion wasn't, and Keith wasn't sure if they weren't entirely to blame for the mess they found themselves in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you didn't notice already, chapter titles are from Sing me to Sleep by Alan Walker (I personally like the marshmello remix but hey)!


	3. Melodies stuck inside your Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance POV ... oh boy
> 
> Also, I'm sorry for not posting for like, two whole months. School got harder and I got this huge writers block that wouldn't let me write anything, but this chapter practically wrote itself in one sitting, so I'm sorry if there are errors and if it generally has a weird flow. No guarantees but I might come back and edit this to make it flow better! (Also I'm on summer break now, so I have more time!)

Space was comforting. At least it was quiet out here. He didn't have to deal with their voices, but he could still hear Blue, an aggravating hum of disappointment and anger came from her. 

But it also reminded him how he was the only one out here. And that's why he was hurrying to get to anywhere before they realize he's gone. After all, if he manages to hide himself on a larger planet, they won't be able to find him. 

He can't sleep during the trip, even after he's calculated his course and set it to auto-fly or whatever the hell is installed on this pod. His hands are restless, so he takes the control back and tries not to think about anything but the feeling of the handles in his hands and the temperature of the pod. When that becomes insufficient to keep his thoughts off of them, he names all the constellations visible from Earth. Then all the constellations they'd seen on Arus... _what, no, don't go there..._ , his mind tells him, and he goes to counting the stars he thinks could be planets and listing the names of all the Galran commanders he'd ever learned properly because it's honestly the only thing he can think of to keep him going because he's exhausted the times tables and all of the American presidents and oh God he's spent such a long time out here already...

His vision's getting blurry now as he feels the tears roll down his cheeks. _That's a surprise..._ , he thinks, numb to what he's really feeling, _I didn't think I could cry anymore._

~

"I've got it! That's what it was," Coran yells out, joy on his face as he reviews Lance's last scans. "Princess!" He yells into the central comm system he has pulled up. He didn't check which one it was, too tired and too thrilled to even bother. "I've found it! The reason Lance had been acting such a way!"

The first one to arrive is Pidge, even though he'd been sure he was only contacting the Princess. "Pidge? Why are you here so late?" Coran asks, concerned for her. 

"Check which comms you use, Coran. You used the general one, and now everyone's coming," Pidge informed him, and sure enough, moments later, Shiro, Keith, and his Princess arrived, looking tired out of their minds but so so hopeful. Hunk arrived a minute later, spewing apologies that he couldn't let his newest batch of space cookies burn. 

"So, what did you find?" Allura asks, face a mask of determination. 

Coran pulls up Lance's last scan in the healing pods, pointing out a spot that remained in the check-up a day after he initially emerged. It was two spots, right behind both of his ears. 

"Haggar put something either in him or in him that must have changed the things we said, targeting his emotions, isolating him from us and breaking his will. We need to find him, incapacitate him and find the spots, and remove them. Then we can begin the healing process." 

~ 

Lance's tears were exhausted at this point. It was a good thing he'd arrived though. Already he had a base of operations, in an abandoned building outside of a town of a human-like species, who regarded his arrival as a bit strange, but welcomed him any ways with food the pod found acceptable for him to eat and non-poisonous, even if it did taste horribly sour. 

They were technologically advanced, thank god, so the house he found himself bequeathed with was equipped with a toilet of some sorts and a shower, despite how tall it was (since they were generally taller beings) and a semi-comfortable bed. For now he decided to call them Titans after the first set of Greek gods, until he learned what they called themselves as a species. 

He'd been there for a week now, and he found himself feeling generally more happy with his life. That was, until there were sightings of colorful lions flying through the air. The very reason why he'd hid his pod and tore its transmitter from it when he first got here. If they really wanted him, they'd have to be determined. 

He turned away from the sky that evening without thoughts of red, the color he'd forever relate with determination. And he certainly did not dream of hard eyes that turned soft whenever they looked at him, grey turning to soft purple.


	4. I can hear your whispers in my Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith gets a hint of where Lance is, and finds him wandering a beach.
> 
> Lance has a moment of clarity after he probably should have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been like nine months since an update at this point and I'm so sorry I was so busy with Slipping (go check that out if you like angst but not as angsty as this and badass Lance) and I honestly forgot this existed. 
> 
> Anyways, here's this! I know it's messy and probably has some continuation errors, but, oh well.

"Alright, guys, has anyone found anything? This planet isn't that big and it's been a while," Shiro's voice rouses Keith from the numbness he's been piloting with since he first took Red's controls at the beginning of this mission. 

"Negative, Shiro," Pidge's voice crackles through a second later, followed by Hunk's also negative report. 

"Nothing yet, but we'll find him guys. I know we will,' Keith tells them, wincing at the sound he knows is his voice even though it doesn't quite sound like it right now. 

"The pod's signals are completely gone. We can safely assume he deactivated and/or destroyed that specific mechanism," Allura speaks up, since she'd been working with Coran back in the Castle to figure out if they could recover them. 

The planet looked like Earth, Keith guessed, with it's greenery. Though Lance would've probably spent some time already getting used to the indigo-purple water. 

Red sent him her irritation, which Keith took to mean she was getting irritated with how long this search was going. Since all the lions were connected, Keith could imagine Blue sending the other lions up the walls of the hangar with her constant worry. 

Keith turned Red around, since it was nearing the time the team had decided to meet up again, and because Keith had something he wanted to check. A few miles back he'd discovered what he assumed to be a meteor crash site, but just as he'd neared the opposite rim, he'd spotted something sparkling in this planet's afternoon. He hoped to God it was something, at the very least. Something to prove Lance hadn't just disappeared.

~

Lance didn't want to do anything today. Everything sucked and he felt like he was drowning in his memories of his team, the people he thought were his family. And so he got up anyways, and went to go backpack through the planet's beautiful scenery. 

Maybe that would cheer him up. He spent a long while along the planet's beaches, looking out over the indigo waters, avoiding flashing red, black, and yellow as they searched. Green had come close, he'll admit, but their efforts were discarded when the invisibility shield ran out in enough time for him to spot it and duck into one of the planet's many beachside caverns. Finally, after a few hours of that stupid game, he decided they would overlook some stupid civilian wandering the beaches. 

_"The others have almost found you, you'll come back to be our jester, won't you~?"_ Blue's voice suddenly sounded in his ear. Surprised, he whipped around, only to be faced with a sneering Keith.

"Found you~," he sneered, surging forward to grab at Lance. Lance jerked, thrashed, literally anything to be free. He wouldn't go back. Couldn't, even if it meant dying. Spotting a sharp rock outcropping just a foot away, he smiled. A way out. 

~*~

"Lance!" Keith called, rushing out of Red. The pod had been a clue that he was near and after that it was just a matter of surveying the area. Sure enough, Lance was walking the coastline. "We finally found you!" Lance turned around, looking shocked and terrified. His shoulders hunched, looking like he was about to run. Keith winced, jumping forward to keep Lance from running. "Please! I'm just trying to take you home," he cried, hoping that maybe this time, the words would get through how they were supposed to.

Lance jerked, throwing himself to the side and taking Keith along with him. Keith spotted what Lance was trying to do too late for him to do much except keep Lance from hurting himself. Good thing he saw Black land just a second ago. _Shiro's got this_ , Keith thought as his head hit the rock to the side of the one Lance had been aiming for. The last thing he saw was Lance's shocked face and the sound of Shiro's yell before everything went black.

~*~

 _No,_ Lance thought as Keith crumpled, having maneuvered them so Keith would be the one to take the hit. _That doesn't match his words, just now, a few moments ago. Doesn't he hate me? Want me to suffer? Why? Why would he?_ He saw Shiro run at him out of the corner of his eyes, but he didn't do anything, even as Shiro's hand touched his shoulder, sending a shock through him and incapacitating him. He jerked involuntarily as the current ran through him and he hit the ground, facing Keith. 

"Why? You hate me, so why? Why wold you do that? Why do I-," it was getting harder to talk as black spots entered his vision, "Why do I love you?"

Just as the black took over, he heard Blue's voice, how he remembered her, and had a moment of clarity. _Because he loves you back._

The people he loved and thought of as family didn't hate him. Something had warped what he'd been hearing all this time. Content, Lance let the black take over. He would let the people he loved and who loved him take care of him, and then he'd apologize. For everything he said, and everything he did. He hope Keith would be alright. 

Violet eyes softening as they turned to him kept the black away.


End file.
